I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested. (thesh_t) wrote in wondergeeks,
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.
thesh_t
wondergeeks

hi all

Hi, finally getting around to posting this now. It's my first attempt at porn so please as much feedback as possible:)

Title: time confusion
Pairing: Radek (‘teh sex god)/ Rodney
Rating: Porn, people!! NC-17
Summary: Rodney messes up and Radek helps him save the day... then there’s porn. (Yeah, the whole plot really just an excuse for the porn)
It's all under the cut.



Really, he thought he should be quite confused right now. Radek wasn’t sure how he had gone from arguing with McKay over time fluctuations in a recently discovered ancient device to… well, where he was now, which was neither a lab nor his own quarters. His head felt fuzzy, almost hung-over, but thankfully without the skull-fracturing headache or nausea that usually attacked him after a bout of heavy drinking. He carefully moved the hairy arm that was draped over his chest, rousing the owner of the arm in question.

“Mffh wake me up tomorrow whoever you are.”

“I’m afraid it is tomorrow Rodney and I believe I was right.”

Rodney shot up in the bed. Clearly he hadn’t actually been expecting to hear another voice, with a distinctly male, definitely Czech accent. For a second Radek could register surprise in Rodney’s face. Then he went back to being Rodney.

“So time shifting device huh well that’s neat! Of course Elizabeth will kill us… and why are we naked… in bed…together?”

“I believe you were right about the device’s function but our apparent memory loss proves my theory that the ancients had not yet learned how to control the fluctuations in the time line. We do not know quite what damage it could cause, I recommend we consider shutting it down and taking it apart, also yes, Elizabeth will kill YOU when she discovers that YOU decided to turn on a machine you knew nothing about!”

“And the last part?”
“That I cannot answer, I don’t remember what happened that lead to our being here… of course I’m blaming you on a preliminary basis. If you really want to know you will simply have to learn how to set device back or turn it off before our heads start to explode.”

“About that theory of yours… with the head exploding part? Not true right, that’s just a bit to scare me?”

“Maybe…maybe not. Now we need to get dressed before Dr. Wei—”

It was at that moment a voice echoed from somewhere near Rodney’s right ear.

“Rodney this is Weir, I believe you may have some explaining to do. For instance what just happened?”

“Liz don’t worry I’ll explain everything just meet me and Radek in the labs straight away.”


“So you’re telling me you ignored direct protocols and turned on an ancient device without full and proper investigation!?”

“C’mon Liz it wasn’t like that! Let me explain.”

Radek sat back and enjoyed the show as Rodney tried in vain to stop Dr. Weir from rationing his coffee, Elizabeth was mad very, very mad and Rodney knew that. He was even playing the “Liz” card. He only used that one when he was going for the ‘yes I messed up but you are a friend and will not hurt me’ approach (it usually didn’t work out well).

“When I gave you permission to work on this it was only with the utmost care being taken. Rodney there were three teams out when you turned that thing on. They were stranded for eight hours whilst everyone on Atlantis has no recollection of what happened in all that time. The ancients were barely coming to grips with time travel before they abandoned Atlantis, even you know these devices are risky at best and if this is an early prototype then it is probably twice as dangerous. Look, you know this and you also know that we can’t afford to put our people any more at risk than they already are. I want that machine out of commission ASAP!”

Rodney was poised to protest before a resigned look settled in he eyes.

“Fine, Radek and I will take care of it.”

“See that you do.”

Elizabeth passed one more imperious glance around the room before she turned and left.

“I’m surprised you didn’t put up more of a fight.”

An odd look passed over Rodney’s features, barely a flash really but Radek could read people, he could read guilt on Rodney’s face.

“I’ll deny I ever said this but she’s right! This technology is too risky to play with… I made a mistake again and I should have listened to you …again”

He could see the guilt starting to consume Rodney.

“We all make mistakes even you are entitled to that… and I think this makes us even, after-all I did transport another consciousness into your brain, and a mere grunt’s at that”

Rodney laughed good-naturedly at Radek’s quip. They both knew it wasn’t that funny but something was needed to break the tension that had seeped back in the lab after Weir’s exit. Radek wondered if Rodney was dwelling on the same thing as him, waking up with a warm body next to his had been a nice surprise, the fact that it was Rodney didn’t seem to detract from that. If he was to be honest… no, no! Honesty is not good, repressing those completely inappropriate feelings for your superior is good… ‘At least until I figure out how I ended up in his bed!’

“Well I guess we better figure out how to turn this thing off …before, ya know… kaboom!”

Rodney was actually gripping his head, it would have been amusing if it didn’t remind him of Dr. Hayes, Radek tried to banish the images of other lost colleagues and friends. He did not want to add anyone to that list if he could help it, Rodney least of all.

“It’s highly unlikely that part of my theory was correct Rodney and if uncontained time travel was going to make us all experience seizures like those between alternate realities we would certainly know about it by now… but personally I would like to make sure we don’t miss any more time than necessary.”

This seemed to calm him, at least he had not started his “when I die speech” he seemed to have that damn thing memorised word for word. They positioned themselves at opposite sides of the device both quietly studying the large oval shaped disc in front of them, it looked more like a panel than a device in and of itself.

“Who knew the ancients went for the minimalist look.”

“Rodney, don’t you remember what your room was like before you moved in and messed it up? Minimal they most certainly do.”

“Good point, but something doesn’t seem right about this, like it’s meant to fit into something.”

“This is true, the device by itself looks…off.”

“Off! Hardly a scientific term, Zelenka.”

“Well then tell me, McKay, how would you put it… Scientifically speaking?”

Rodney seemed to ponder this for a few moments, giving Radek the chance to surreptitiously observe the scientist, wondering how so many things that seem normal on another person made Rodney so damned attractive. There was nothing extraordinary about his mouth, his body or the shape of his face but the moment they combined with the sharp look of concentration, passion for what he did, in his eyes Radek found it increasingly hard to deny his attraction and burying it under twelve different layers of denial wasn’t helping anymore. Radek was forced to stumble out of his musings when Rodney spoke again.

“Okay, off will do, but there has got to be another part to this device, a console somewhere and I’m guessing it’s the only place we’ll be able to turn this thing off in a more permanent way. We need to shut it down and remove it’s power source and of course we only have anther seven and a half hours to do this since it causes cyclical time fluctuations—”

“It does what! Rodney how is it that you failed to mention this to anyone before now!? You didn’t even tell Weir. I told you this device was dangerous and now you tell me it is set on repeat! Who the hell is doctor Fumbles McStupid now eh?!”

“Radek I’m well aware I’ve blown it here but we have less than eight hours to find one specific console in a city the size of...well, Atlantis! So why don’t you continue to berate me later after we turn this thing off before the next fluctuation?”

Sometimes Radek really thought he wouldn’t need to hide the body, they would call it justifiable homicide. ‘You’re lucky you’re hot you bastard’

Rodney’s mouth did an unattractive oh shape and he looked oddly speechless, which was strange because Radek knew he had only said these things in his head.

“You think I’m hot! Well… fuck me!”

Radek couldn’t help but appreciate Rodney’s choice of words.

“Yes, fine but after we shut off device. Like you said, we do not have time for distractions.”

“Wait! N-no that’s not what I meant… that’s to say, umm.”

Radek decided to take a risk, after all he had just outed himself and come onto his boss, how much worse could it get? He slipped his hand around Rodney’s neck and pulled him closer. Radek kissed the other man with all the skill and attention he only showed to his most favoured activities. Utter relief flooded through him as he felt Rodney pull him closer, responding in kind. It was he who was first to press the tip of his tongue lightly over Radek’s bottom lip, he gasped and Rodney took full advantage invading Radek’s mouth sweeping through and leaving him faint, there tongues danced together and they could both feel the heat, the need for more, rising. They separated and Radek couldn’t help the whimper that escaped when he lost that contact. Rodney’s eyes were heavy lidded and dark.

“Well that answers a few questions, we don’t have much time lets find that damn console, turn this thing off and get back to the bit about you fucking me.”

Radek, unable to find an adequate response that wouldn’t have included noises he didn’t wish to be caught making, walked to the nearest computer and started running through the list of explored labs and other possible locations. He called out to Rodney praying his voice was back to normal pitch.

“You do west and north I’ve started on east already.”

He could feel Rodney grinning from behind him.

“Yes sir.”



Two and a half hours of searching had found nothing, the device was no help it only had two switches, one which looked like forward, and one which looked like backward. They opted not to try either. At this stage the scientists were thinking of ways to destroy the device without setting off a cataclysmic time inversion… they weren’t having much luck. Just then one of Sheppard’s more familiar and slightly, marginally, more intelligent grunts entered the lab.

“Well, well, haven’t figured how to turn of the time doo-hickey yet? I woulda thought you mad scientist would have had that figured out ten power bars ago!”

“Oh, really Major Lorne? Well then why don’t you give it a go? I’m sure even this device can’t withstand your mighty IQ! All fifty point of it and tell me what do you know about quantum time physics exactly? Now shut up until we resort to using your nice big canon on this damn thing!”

Lorne had a thick hide and didn’t even flinch and Rodney’s diatribe instead he ambled further into the room (he had definitely picked up some bad habits from another cocky soldier who need not be named) he ran his hands down the side of the device, careful to avoid the switches and display counter.

“You know this thing looks kinda familiar, one of the rooms we found near the north stand had this pedestal with a big dent in it this shape. I remember ‘cos Sheppard kept cracking jokes about you moving into the quarters which has a podium where you could stand and lecture everybody all day about “your brilliance and enormous intellect”

Lorne turned back around to see the two scientists huddled over a single laptop.

“Do you think?”

“Yes, yes it is! I ruled this area out in my initial search because it was only quarters and not near any labs or populated areas.”

“Yeah, an easy place to put an unsanctioned experiment, I’d say.”

Rodney whipped his head round to Lorne.

“How far is that room from here?”

“It was pretty near a transporter… about thirty minutes I think.”

Radek had already gathered the device in his arms whilst Rodney grabbed a laptop, a flashlight and his side arm, before yelling back at Lorne to go tell Weir that they were saving the day. They could just about hear him yell back something along the lines of “mad, crazy scientists” before the transporter left them in the abandoned corridors of the northern section. Rodney called up a map of the area reading the directions aloud.

“Down the hall, two rights, seventh door on the left, that’s the place.”

They didn’t run but they walked fast enough to get there in less than twenty minutes and wasted no time. A quick study of the podium in question which was positioned in the centre of the room revealed that yes the device was definitely supposed to fit there and as they suspected the there was absolutely no information available either from the ancient database or the pedestal itself about the technology. Rodney and Radek were working on instinct. They removed the panel that housed the power conduits of the device now resting back on it’s cradle there were a few dials and switches on the pedestal itself but without any text to translate they were all but useless to them.

“So, basically we got nothing.”

“Not true Rodney, we have crystals… we just don’t know what the hell any of them may be for.”

It took them another three hours of arguing, assessing and eventually contemplating blowing the damn thing up once more before Radek stopped put down his tools and sat down on the ground with a harassed look on his face. Rodney was mid-sentence, debating with the air about disintegrating the “device from hell” with the Stargate.

“Of course doing something like that to any ancient device is complete insanity god knows what kind of effect it could…. Why the hell are you just sitting there?”

“Rodney we have fifteen minutes before this skips another eight hours, then Elizabeth will kill you and me for not fixing this. I will probably wake in even more compromising situation and I will not get any sex… right now I just give up and let it all happen”

“Oh, I forgot about the sex… Why can’t something be ridiculously easy for once, why can’t I just think off, off, off and let it wor—”

It was at that moment the oval disk gave a satisfied little hum before the lights began to fade out, the crystals inside the device lost their lighting at the same time. Rodney and Radek turned to look at the same time.

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!”

“Rodney shut up and keep thinking off until we have thrown that damn thing into the ocean.”

He had already started muttering the word over and over under his breath. Radek carefully lifted the crystals from the inside of the device he was relatively sure that without them the device couldn’t work, though he was still tempted to throw it into the ocean anyway.

“Alright it is safe, now lets get out of here… fast”

“Why fast? We don’t have to worry about time skips anymore.”

Radek shot Rodney one very heated, incredulous glance before realization dawned in the other man’s eyes.

“So this part of the city, mostly quarters right?”

Radek didn’t answer instead he grabbed a fistful of the other mans shirt and dragged him into the next room which thankfully had a bed about twice the size of the regulation cot he was stuck with. Rodney was first to kiss him this time, seizing his mouth as soon as they landed on the bed, he hovered above the smaller man and trailed kisses down his jaw before latching on to his neck like a junkie in search of a fix. Radek’s hands moved restlessly over Rodney’s body, he wanted to feel skin beneath his fingertips and dear God, where did Rodney learn to do that with his teeth! Radek was sure he’d have a very large hickey tomorrow but he didn’t care. Quickly they divested each other of their clothes, there was no pause for awkwardness or embarrassment, the pressing need for heat, skin, more, eclipsed everything else. It didn’t take long for Radek to moan at the feel of the Rodney’s erection next to his own. Rough and needy, they moved against each other and Radek was sure he could come from that alone. Rodney kissed him doing obscene things with his tongue and Radek’s mouth, he started moving lower, kissing down Radek’s neck and stopping at his nipples, he worried them with his teeth and Radek was far too busy screaming in pleasure to worry if his new lover may be a vampire. He was still recovering when he felt a hot wet mouth descend on his cock, Rodney didn’t bother with the formalities and went straight to deep throating his entire erection. He really did try not to scream
that time but even with his fist balled into his mouth he was sure they could hear him in the control room. He had never felt anything so good in his life, his hips ached to move into the molten heat of Rodney’s mouth but he held Radek firmly in place whilst he began to suck on Radek’s cock with a pornographic abandon. Just as he felt it starting to build into something more Rodney stopped, lifting his mouth from Radek’s aching need.

“Why, why would you stop something so good!?”

“I don’t know about you but I didn’t have time to grab any lube so—”

“Check my front trouser pocket.”

“You brought lube!?”

“I said I was going to fuck you, I meant it.”

Radek could see Rodney’s Adam’s apple jump up and down as he gulped. He had never seen anyone move so fast as the man fished through trouser pockets before re-joining him on the bed. He took the small tube of lotion from his lover’s grip and kissed Rodney as he ran his hands over his chest, he plucked at the nipples that always managed to distract him every time the environmental controls were a bit too cool. Rodney was making wonderful sounds that Radek was sure he would deny later, slowly he mouthed his way down to his dick. He used his lips to suckle on the head while he coated his fingers. He took Rodney fully into his mouth at the same time as he pressed into Rodney’s hole, slowly one finger passed through the tight ring of muscle. He could feel the other man bearing down on it already, he sucked on Rodney’s dick as he prepared him. By the third finger his mouth had left Rodney’s dick as he watched in awe as his lover fucked himself on Radek’s hand.

“Please, oh God, Radek I need more!”

Radek positioned himself and entered Rodney. All he could see, hear, think, for the first few agonisingly hot moments was ‘heat, tight, Rodney God!’ he may have also uttered these words aloud, he wasn’t sure. They moved together as if they had been doing so for eternity, it wasn’t long before Rodney let out a high pitched moan and Radek collapsed into a quivering mass on top of him.

“Oh fuck I think that may have been the best sex of my life!”

“May have been?”

“Ok definitely, you are a little Czech sex God but can you please move, this isn’t the most comfortable position.”

“Less of the little.”

“Oh I wouldn’t worry, you more than proved yourself in that department.”

They both shuddered as he pulled out. Radek collapsed back on top of Rodney who wrapped an arm around him as he nuzzled into the other man’s neck… ‘A cuddler who knew?’

“first of all you tell anyone I cuddle and we’re never having sex again, second of all, we have to find a way to get one of these beds in my quarters and third… this is gonna happen again isn’t it? I mean if you don’t want to that’s fine. I gue—”

“You know I was sure I would be the insecure one in this relationship, what with all those rumours about you and Beckett doing the rounds now.”

“What rumours!? Wait relationship… so you want this?”

Radek looked at the man across from him, his friend… best friend. A man wrapped in ego, enveloped in bad social skills and underneath a mess of tangled nerves and the lowest of low self esteem. Rodney was arrogant, sarcastic and sometimes downright mean but he also had a deeply courageous, supportive and possibly, Radek hoped, loving, albeit well hidden side to him. Radek hadn’t realised he’d been pondering his decision a few seconds too long

“C’mon Radek don’t leave me hanging here.”

Radek wrapped his arms tightly around Rodney’s shoulders before kissing him thoroughly he tried to pour everything he had into it, all the pent up want and need he had suppressed for almost longer than he could remember, leaving them both breathless.

“I want this, I want you, and I have for a long time.”

“How did I not know this?”

“Because you are silly man now please let me sleep, those eight hours are catching up on me.”

Rodney wrapped his arm around him and the sense of déjà vu was startling. Suddenly Radek had a very good idea of what might have happened in those missing eight hours. Rodney being the man that he was had obviously caught on too.

“Guess we got lucky huh? Some things don’t change even when the time line does.”

“Fate is inevitable my friend.”

“Yeah and physics is made of voodoo and magic.”

“Sleep, Rodney.”

Radek lay quiet waiting for Rodney to drop off safely, a few moments passed before he could feel the other man’s breathing even out. As he himself slowly drifted into slumber with a hairy arm draped over his chest the last thing he felt was confused.


The end
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